10. just fucking talk to her like youre james bond who has always respected women obviously DONT MENTION YOUR DICK REMEMBER NOT TO MENTION YOUR DICK SHE CANT KNOW THAT YOURE USING HER FOR SEX
9. act like shes interested in your sad little baby dick and by the laws of reverse psychology magic will happen and she will be interested. invest in a tailor or new pair of trousers because she will literally TEAR THE PANTS FROM YOUR BODY with her strong claws due to all that enthusiasm you just gave her
8. SHOW HER YOUR OUTDATED HYPERMASCULINE BRAVADO SHE WILL LOVE IT SO MUCH AND YOU TWO WILL BE INSTANTLY MARRIED. WHAT, YOU ONLY WANTED SEX? TOO BAD THIS MOVE WORKS SO WELL YOURE GONNA BE PUTTING DOWN A PAYMENT FOR A HOME AND PLANNING A FAMILY IN FIVE FUCKING SECONDS THERES NO TIME FOR SEX AND YOUVE ALREADY EXPERIENCED BED DEATH. ISNT LIFE BEAUTIFUL
7. show her how uninspired and fucking lame you can be seriously just show her. accuse her of “using you” as if she’d have any reason to use you. prepare to be used. used for anything. you become a trash can and cannot move. transformation is her fetish. you are her filthy garbage can waste receptacle from now on.
6. finally, talk about your dick. just make everything about sex. this makes you irresistible and not desperate. YOURE NOT FUCKING DESPERATE YOURE READING ASKMEN DATING ADVICE THERES NOTHING DESPERATE ABOUT THAT HAHAHAHHA WHAT DO YOU MEAN. “YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT WOMEN FROM SPAIN” you ask her and she says “no” because she doesnt know what that means. you have to take her home and educate her on what they say about women from spain. not only are you now totally having sex but you get to walk away feeling like youve enlightened a woman. philanthropy knows no bounds
5. JUST DO THE SAME FUCKING THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN BECAUSE YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO COMPENSATE FOR PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST FUCK ME LET ME TOUCH A BOOB
4. act like you have enough sexual prowess to act as currency. watch out. it may backfire. suddenly you are in her wallet. transformation strikes again. you are now used to pay for a quarter pounder with cheese and you feel weird for getting a boner about it.
3. speak to her like she is an actual fucking infant and just degrade her i swear it works every time even in innocuous situations. yeah, you eat that cereal. does anything else go in your mouth like your spoon does? naughty. she will think youre creative and pounce on you. you now have one hundred broken bones
2. VACUUMING. WOMEN THINK OVULATING IS VERY SEXY. ALWAYS SAY OVULATING. GET CREATIVE WHEN SAYING IT. SAY “OVULATE ME BABY” OR “WOW IM ALL UP IN YOUR OVULATION” SHE WILL LOVE IT. TEACH HER NEW THINGS DO IT YOU BULLSHIT FUCKING ANIMAL
1. MAKE DOUBLE MEANINGS OUT OF EVERYTHING TO IGNORE THAT YOUR LIFE IS TERRIBLE AND NO WOMEN WILL LOVE YOU